We all have the desire to connect with others. To share our deepest thoughts and to be understood by others. Many of us train ourselves out of the desire and humbly accept the frustrated unanswered conversation. Many of us talk to ourselves, some write in journals, some mutter over a beer or two.
We let the mainstream acceptable topics prevail and mutely nod our head over conversations about the weather, the details of our routines, our statistics or world news.
I see with my clients, the burning need to share their profound realizations, to be seen within the context of their lives, the development of evolution, emotional intelligence and the bubbling up of new ideas.
Even in my rural small hometown Pennsylvania, where I visit family often, I experience a low-grade loneliness in the people there. Many of my family will betray a desire for a deeper connection. Going to therapy is not such an accepted reality as in California, so I will encourage their dreams and philosophies while gazing at the fire or hiking up a trail. The women are willing to tell me a little while we wash the dishes or watch the children play. It is in the moments in between events, the stolen times, when I will see a little glimpse into their inner worlds. Worlds often kept tucked away, dormant or shyly hidden.
For me this is a tragedy. I love to really get to know someone, on a heart-level. To celebrate their uniqueness, the quirkier, the better!
A colleague of mine led school-age children in leadership training. He gave the quiet or serious students the goal “to share your thoughts and feelings.” He teased them lovingly with, “Let us know what’s in your heart and mind, man!” The kids took a while, but soon respond to his consistent prodding to share, share, share.
While assisting him during one of these leadership courses, I watched the children blossom as they struggled to find the words to describe their inner experiences. Being very brave, one young man shared his feelings about how he felt always pressured to be “doing” something. We would find out later he had a wicked sense of humor and compassionate knack for helping the younger students.
I taught at a Regional Conference for The Association of Play Therapists last year on Mindful and Heart-full: Play Therapy Techniques for Kids. I emphasized the need for what Eckhart Tolle explains as two modes of operating with children, as noted in the word “Human Being:”
“Human”: The taking care of the human needs of our children, the grooming, arranging playdates, afterschool activities, homework, etc.
And the “Being”: The sinking down into presence, the relaxing, getting-to-know, listening to your child without an agenda or pressure to “do” anything.
We all have basic needs to BE with others who love us unconditionally, to be free to speak our minds and hearts and explore our inner boundaries to blossom and develop. We need to talk deeply, even if just sometimes, to explore the growing edges of our heart, mind and spirit.
For relating is how we come to know ourselves better. How we heal the wounds created by hurtful relationships. How we can experience bliss through the amplification of energy shared with others.
Take a risk, open your heart, speak your truth. Go on a quest to find heart-friends who will listen from presence and not judge or quickly turn the attention back themselves. Ask them to just listen and not respond for a while.
Join me in creating a community of open-hearted, open-minded compassionate, passionate Human Beings.
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